astationaryjew:

with a dry cleaning bag full of clothes, including my wedding dress, and did not drop it on the ground or get any bike grease on anything. I also did not crash my bike or injure any living things.

challenge: back in my smoking days, i once opened a new box, packed it, and lit a new cig while on my bike and moving. AND while drinking a smoothie.

we’ll talk about all of my crashes later.

i have had many moments of “holy snot my life is so weird” this year. ok, ever.

sometimes i stop, and just am like… WHAT

good things:

t minus three weeks till new apartment!

no school!

if they get enough students, the dude told me there’s a 99% chance i can get a job teaching at UNAM’s center of languages this august!

bad things:

the state of my current apartment. 

i asked the neighbor girl (cousin of neighbors arranging the apartment for me) how old she was (9) and then she asked how old i was. i told her to guess. usually the mexicans guess lower and it makes me feel better about myself. but she guessed 37. dang.

So, Amazing Vet Neighbor Who Has Seen My Bare Butt was frantically cleaning this morning, and lovingly shooed me out of her kitchen so she could mop the floor. i went back downstairs and poked around and of course came back with gpigger. Said neighbor said NO! Los pelitos! Vamos a divorciar! And, not wanting a divorce from my neighbormothersister, I retreated to return gpiggers to my apartment.

also, last night we were explaining to her son how i had showed up with the Hole in My Pants, and i told him it was because i ate too many beans. at least i can make them laugh. i think that’s why they keep me around.

more and more i realize that i am the weirdest thing to happen to my neighborhood. like, i am awkward, clumsy, animal-obsessed, vegetarian (pescatarian), very liberal…. those things are enough to make me weird in the US. transplant it to mexico…. at least i think i’ve crossed the line where it’s just absurd and i can probably get away with anything. i mean, i am the giant white girl being followed down the street by her adopted street dog, possibly with a ferret or a rat on my shoulder…and Ofe still giggles at how i speak spanish.

i am coming to terms with that. i’m always going to weird them out, so let’s live it up! and at least a few of them still love me anyway…

and, honestly, i had kind of missed being the freak on the block.

thumbswithhands:

i wish i didn’t have to eat. or when i ate it just fell through me like a ghost but i at least got the taste.

or it would be cool if i got to at least cut a tiny little hole in my fat parts and just sucked all the fat out through a straw and then spit it into a volcano where it could burn up and die like it deserves

i live next to a volcano! and want to do the same! come visit. we’ll have  a Fat Suck party!

ashleightticus:

…of the lady variety (preferably)

just imagine dr.seuss….